WOW! Has it really been two weeks since I last graced all of my loyal followers with my witty presence? My apologies to all 3 of you for putting up with such neglect. I suppose as long as that check keeps coming in the mail you all will continue to demonstrate such undying loyalty. I am so undeserving.
Yes, I do realize that I'm a week early for the end of the world, but I consider myself to be a planner. I like to be the first to arrive; I want to get the good seats to what I can only assume to be a General Admission event as I have been unable to locate end of the world tickets at either Ticketmaster, or StubHub. Seems to me that if one of those two sites are not selling, then they are not to be found.
The good news regarding the end of the world is that we will find out who wins this season of X-Factor prior to the world coming to what can only be a glorious end, I'll at least get to see the first installment of "The Hobbit," and my sister will be able to celebrate one more year of aging prior to the sudden demise of the world as we know it. The bad news is that the winner of X-Factor probably won't even get that 5 million dollar check before the end, and thus will have put up with all of the stress of the competition for naught.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY
I must admit that I have a few questions about how this whole end of the world will take place:
Where does it begin? Will it be like New Year's Eve where you can watch the end of the world happen in each time zone? (I'm certain that ABC has already bought the rights to show that live.) Or will it be an all out global demise where it all ends at once? What does one wear for the end of the world?
These are questions that I need answers to before the event takes place. I may need to go shopping for an outfit that is appropriate, and stock up on snacks if it is to be televised. If it is to happen all at once, then I need to take the week off so that I can go and do all those things that I have not had time to do by now. It will be a challenge to squeeze it all in to one week, but I figure some good coke (the powdered variety that smells good) will keep me going for my "End of the World Blow Out. You're all invited. BYOBlow
As for snacks, I have stocked up on Twinkies and Ding Dongs. (the originals, not some crazy knock off). I'll be selling those for about 20 bucks a Twinkie or Ding Dong. Although what the money will be used for is hard to say as the world will be ending. I also plan to have some sausage balls, and pigs in a blanket near in order to balance the sweet with some savory. And bacon, must have bacon on the last day of existence. I"m thinking I'll just wrap bacon around the Twinkies.
I find myself in long bouts of deep contemplation as to how the world will end. Personally, I'd like for some Mayan uprising of a long hidden society that after centuries of obscurity have decided that it is time to say "up yours you Eurocentric visigoths." (only said in their language, and not in English, or spanish.) That would be a sight to see, especially as I am in the middle of a shamanistic mind-altering spiritual awakening. And it satisfies my need for the underdog to ultimately come out on top. And, it's more entertaining than just a simple explosion of the planet. How passe.
Now if this "end of the world" turns out to be some sort of hoax, or just does not come true, I am going to be in a bit of a pickle come the week after said event. I'm sure the recovery time from all that 'snow' and mescaline is longer than I may imagine. Maybe I should just go ahead and plan to watch the event from the Betty Ford Center, or get Dr. Drew on speed dial just in case. But surely those Mayans aren't wrong. I do have reservations about our interpretation of the Mayan calendar so maybe I should just go to work as usual. What a way to go out...at work.
How do you intend to enjoy the final week of the world?
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