this is the end...

Do not fear as this is not the end of my blog; at least as far as I know.  Rather it is the end of the Twilight Movies.  Yes, I have seen every single one of these movies.  Most of them I have seen twice. Not because I have a deep love for the story, nor because I have chosen between team edward and team Jacob.  I have seen most of them twice because I would go preview the movie prior to allowing my daughter to see it.  This latest, and last installment of the story is no different.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY
(i bet you thought i would have "the end" by the doors here, but it's way too long.

Overall, I suppose the movie was alright.  I have to keep reminding myself that this story was written for tweenaged girls. Thus the reason that most of the werewolf clan walk around without any shirts, and really have no bearing on the plot in general.  Why couldn't some of the female vampires walk around without any shirts? it only seems fair. 

I must admit that there are a few things about these movies that I don't really understand. 

Why do the Cullens drive a Volvo?  Here you have a family of vampires who claim that they "never get tired, never have to rest," and they can run incredibly fast.  Why on earth would they ever strap themselves into a Volvo and drive down the curvy, icy roads of the Pacific Northwest?  It seems that when they really need to get somewhere they hop into the Volvo.  However, when they just want to show off, they run as fast as they can through the woods for no purpose. It's like Harry Potter using magic to make candies, but then when he's in the Chamber of Secrets he just kicks the crap out of the basilisk rather than use magic.  Pointless!

Another issue i have is that all of the vampires "sparkle" when they are in the sunlight.  SPOILER ALERT!!! There seems to be less sparkling in this final movie. END SPOILER. Maybe they blew the budget on wardrobe for the werewolves and could not afford the CGI necessary for more sparkling.  What is this sparkling crap?  Of course you're sparkling in the sunlight, because you are about to burst into flames and die a very painful death.  Go back into your coffin until the evening, or emulate Barnabas Collins and completely shade yourself from the sunlight should you have to go out during the daytime. Or maybe you can pimp out the Volvo with some illegal window tinting and hide in there until moonrise.

While we are at it, let us discuss your "immortality."  Several times Bella is told she is immortal, or that they are all immortal. Then they proceed to rip each others heads off, and kill each other.  Were you really immortal you would not have to fear death at all.  You'd tell those italian vampires (the vatican? something like that it starts with a V for sure) to "suck it"  as you intend to do whatever you want.  If you can die by any means, you are not immortal, get it straight.  Live a long time? sure. Immortal? let me drive this wooden stake in your heart and we'll see.

Of course Bella has to become a super strong vampire.  I call crap on that. Why give one of the worst actresses in the world such power?  I found her quite annoying as an actress, and the character in general.  Why o Why didn't Joan Jett kick her ass during filming of "The Runaways," and put us all out of our misery?

Honestly, throughout the entire series I kept hoping that some real vampires (maybe some out of an Anne Rice novel who were on a break from any action as Anne Rice spent 5 chapters describing the room said vampires were in) would show up and kick the Cullen's collective ass (as well as the Vatican's or whatever they were called), and show them what real vampires are all about. That would have made the movie much better.

Well, I have seen them all. I'm no worse off for it I suppose.  If you can get past the volvo driving, and the damn sparkling, you will probalby enjoy the movie. Maybe I'll see you there as I go see it a second time with my daughter.