Friday, November 23, 2012

Thanksgiving with a capital T, and that stands for Trouble.

Well, another Thanksgiving has come and gone.  A day when we gather together with friends and family and cram food into our face as if we are ducks being groomed to produce foie gras, and then lounge around in a glassy eyed stupor to celebrate some ambiguous idea whose roots have long been uncertain.  We attribute our day of gorging to some feast that the pilgrims may or may not have really had, and which may or may not have included Native Americans (the Indians to some of you.)  I suppose it could have taken place, maybe a chance to fatten up the opposition prior to relocating them to other lands.

For my international followers I will attempt to summarize some of the traditions that seem to be common to most families in the USA.  Then I will delight you with tales of joy and wonderment from my family.

Thanksgiving is a day where most families tend to come together to watch each other eat as if they have been on a hunger strike for the last decade.  This is the day in which more turkey is consumed than any other day of the calendar.  It makes me wonder if there are small turkey factions who have created "Thanksgiving bunkers."  Places where they can take their families and hide away from the crazed turkey hunter to avoid having breaded stuffing unceremoniously lodged in their nether regions.  A bunker stocked with enough grain to get through the one day of turkey armageddon.  Sounds like a reality show in the making.

Of course turkey is not the only thing present on the table.  Each family will have a myriad of casseroles.  Casseroles are how we take everything healthy about different vegetables and toss it out the window.  Add as much butter, cream, lard or other fatty product along with some sort of breading to any vegetable, and you have a casserole.  For many who do not like vegetables, this is the way to go as the fatty content helps them slide right on down the gullet, and you can feel good because you have eaten your vegetables for the year.  Chase that down with the ubiquitous stuffing/dressing and you are ripe for a shamanistic after dinner experience complete with hallucinations.

Let us not forget the cranberry sauce.  That gelatinous substance that magically takes on the appearance of an aluminum can.  It's red, and wiggles like jello.  How can it not be good?  Seriously, I have never eaten the gelatinous mass, so I don't know.

Other common side dishes which are not as funny as cranberry sauce include: rolls, yams, or sweet potatoes in some buttery concoction, green bean casserole (probably not present at the aforementioned pilgrim feast. if it existed,) corn, maybe even some ham, and stuffing/dressing (think bread with boiled eggs, celery and some spices in it. not a fan.)

Stuffing is interesting because it is one of those dishes that you either love or hate. Personally, I do not like it.  Here in the USA, if you tell someone that you hate a particular dish the required response from that person is: "oh, but you have not tried my stuffing (or other hated food.)"  Of course I have not tried it because as you may know I HATE stuffing.  Unless you are Hermione Granger and can magically turn stuffing into a plate full of brownies, or at least distract me with your hotness, then i'm not interested. 

Then of course you will find various combinations of pies, cakes, and desserts of all kinds.  This is the coup de grace (which is defined as the merciful death blow to a suffering creature.)  A term certainly developed with Thanksgiving in mind. It is not unusual to find entire families in various states of a coma immediately after this course of the dinner. 

Turkey sandwiches are soon to follow.

Our family has decided to take a different tack the last few years.  At some point in time my father has decided that he "hates turkey, and always has. "  Quite the revelation after having turkey pretty much every thanksgiving for almost 70 years.  We have Thanksgiving Chicken.  A bird that lives in fear every day of the year rather than just one. 

The rest of our meal is similar to that listed above.  Each dish seems to have been adopted by a member of the family, who is responsible for making that dish while my mom stands over them like a French Chef barking orders at some newbie in his kitchen; wooden spoon, or other convenient kitchen utensil, in hand ready to correct any misstep.

After dinner we congregate around the living room, and usually will watch a movie marathon, which is a whole other blog. Watching movies with my family.  I will work on that in a few days.

Hopefully most of you are coming out of the coma, and getting ready for another round.

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