This week I have had many things on my mind. It has been a week filled with many different thoughts and emotions. Tomorrow I move into a smaller apartment; only one bedroom. This apartment will be the first place I have lived that does not include a separate room for my daughter. I made the decision to downsize because she has reached an age where staying overnight with dad is not as cool as it used to be, I suppose. I could have kept the larger place, but the monthly savings will be nice. I have many mixed feelings about it all. In about 10 days I start a new job, so this week is the beginning of the end of a work related chapter in my life. I feel good about moving away from the current job, but the unknown of a new job always brings me some anxiety. Finally, a friend of mine's spouse unexpectedly passed away this week. He was only a few years older than I am, and that has brought on many thoughts.
All of these events have made me start thinking about what things do I really want my child to know, but maybe I have not been able to tell her just yet. Or maybe I have passed on some of these tidbits of knowledge, but feel as if I have done so ineffectively. The following is a list of things that have come to mind. It is a grossly incomplete list, and thus I often wish I could Vulcan mind meld with her and just pass all knowledge I have to her that way. I'll keep practicing.
1. No matter what happens in life, I will always love you, and will always be there for you. I believe that this knowledge may always lie at the back of all teenaged minds, but I also believe that it is difficult for them to accept, and have faith that it is true. My child often fears that I will get mad at her if she tells me certain things. The fact is that there will be days she is going to say things that make me mad, but that does not lessen my love for her, nor does it mean I won't help her with whatever situation she may be facing. Just have faith that dear old dad is here for you. He is on your side always.
2. Don't chase a dollar. We've all heard the saying that money does not buy happiness, and trust me that is absolutely true. While it may make some things in life easier, it does not make you happy. My advice is to pursue those things that make you happy, and find a way to make a living doing those things. Nothing is more miserable than being stuck in a job/career that does not fulfill you.
3. A healthy dose of skepticism will serve you well. I do believe that there are good people in this world, but I also believe that there are plenty of people in this world who have no more desire but to screw over everyone else. Be skeptical, and it will generally prevent you from being taken in by these people. Don't give your trust so freely; rather make people earn it.
4. I know that mom and dad do not seem like cool people right now, and it is probably difficult to imagine that they were ever cool. However, we were once your age(and were probably much cooler than even you at that time) , and have faced many of the things that you will face soon. Every now and then it might be good if you accepted our advice. Do I have all the answers? Heck no, but I've lived a lot, and I've made many mistakes. I give you my advice because I don't want to see you make the same mistakes I have made. Go make your own.
5. Dont' worry about what others think about you. There will always be someone who thinks you are weird, or a dork, or some variety of odd. Be yourself, and revel in those who do find you interesting and cool. You don't need the entire world to like you. In fact, I have found that having a handful of close, true friends is much better than having hundreds of people who simply know you. You will be miserable if you spend your life pursuing the accolades of people who really are not your friends.
6. As a corollary to #5, don't be afraid to like the things you like. Like the music you like, the movies you want, the books and food you want to like. I have found that it is our differences that make us interesting.
7. You have reached an age where boys will take an interest in you, and you are going to take an interest in boys. This time is going to be a painful time for dear old dad because it means you are growing up. Let me give you this advice: Sometimes you are going to like a boy that does not like you. You will be ok. Is it going to be painful? Yes, but you will get through it, and another person will come along that is equally, if not more, interesting than the first. Likewise, you will have boys interested in you that you are not going to be interested in. Also ok. Don't be that person who toys with them, or is mean about it. Be polite, and be as gentle as you can in your rejection. You would not want someone toying with your emotions, so don't toy with anyone's either. Do not feel like you are ever obligated to go out with, or spend time with someone you are not interested in. you are not. If you do, you are sending them a message that maybe you are interested in them, and that is not ok. Also, do not ever allow someone to treat you poorly. Have confidence in yourself to know that you absolutely do not deserve to be in a relationship with someone who does not lift you up. If someone ever physically harms you (and I mean even one time) I don't care if they apologize a million times, you move on. Same advice for someone who is emotionally abusive, never let someone put you down, or make you feel like you are less of a person. Like I said, believe in yourself, and don't let anyone take that confidence away from you.
8. As a corollary to #7, dad has access to many, many firearms, and knows how to use them all very well. But that should be a last resort.
This list is in no ways complete, but it is a good beginning. I wonder what advice you all have to give that maybe you feel as if you have not emphasized it enough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVTRVZRYxc0>
Friday, May 24, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Nomadic
A very short 6 months into my new home I find myself packing yet again. Honestly, I can't even tell you how many places I have lived since moving out of my parents' house at the ripe old age of 22. The list is most probably endless. Often, I find myself wondering exactly why I keep moving; some of the moves had very distinct purposes, and yet some had no good reason at all. My entire family still lives in the same house in which I grew up. Maybe there is some sort of psycho-babble answer in that fact, but I'm not Freud, and not qualified to pull that bit of information out of the air.
Does it bother me to have lived in so many different places? A valid question, and sometimes the answer to that question is yes. At times I find myself wondering exactly what is wrong with me. Why can't I find that place to settle in and call home? For the most part, I would have to say that I have never really had a home. Not homeless in the societal definition of that word, but homeless in another sense. No real bond to a specific place where I have resided.
I have friends, and I have spoken with people, who claim that they know that where they are is where they should be. They have felt a "calling" to be where they are in regards to both living space, work space, all aspects of their lives. I can honestly say I have never felt any kind of "calling." For the most part the voices in my head seem to say things like: "What the hell?" or "Same crap, different day." Those kind of voices are in my head. Even in those moments where I feel like maybe there is some sort of small voice pointing towards something, I just never seem to be able to make out what it is pointing towards. I would say this describes all aspects of my life.
I believe I began to really ponder these things when I realized that I hoard boxes so that I will always have plenty of them for packing. That has to be some kind of disorder; to arrive at a new residence and somewhere in the back of your mind the idea of your next move is already percolating.
Maybe the answer to finding home is to first know what that word means to me, but I can't say I have any real definition for it. There does not seem to be any picture in my head that I associate with that word. Not even sure how I would begin to develop that picture in my mind. Possibly all people think the same way I do, and I simply project onto them that they are at "home" when the reality is they are also floundering around, never quite sure where the next flop will land them, or even why it landed them in that particular place. It's a strange feeling to be surrounded by people and feel as if you are just looking in from a distant window. It's not a feeling I know how to describe, and it's not a feeling that always surfaces for me, but it seems as if it is a feeling that has been with me for a bit now. Odd to sit at the pool, and somehow feel completely invisible. Not an exact explanation, but I'm doing my best.
Overall, I guess what i'm attempting to convey is the sensation that I've never found somewhere that feels as if I belong. A place that my presence completes, and it's presence completes me. All of this rambling probably holds the answer to why I move so much. It's not pleasurable. I do not enjoy the hassle of moving: changing your address with everyone who needs to have your address, finding a way to feel like the space you are in is your space and not just a shell that keeps you from freezing to death in the winter.
Maybe one day the voices in my head will be kind enough to shut their traps long enough for me to hear the one voice that is actually solid, and attempting to lead me in the right direction. I'm certain that I will be old and grey by that time. well, older and greyer I should say. In the mean time I suppose I will continue to hoard my boxes and keep the movers on speed dial. At least I'm keeping people employed.
When I started this blog, it was as a suggestion from a friend, because that person thinks I have a wicked good sense of humor and should share it with the millions of you who read this thing. While I do have a pretty good sense of humor, it seems as if the blog is turning into something else. I'm not sure what that is, but as we have determined already today, I have no certainty about most things in my life. Maybe I'm just a shell wandering the globe until the next life. Suffering from some karmic ass whooping from a former life that I have no memory of. But that digresses into things I know nothing about.
Sorry for those of you who wanted some laughter, but today I needed to just babble. Let's all go take our xanax and be mellow. I'll try to be funny next time.
Does it bother me to have lived in so many different places? A valid question, and sometimes the answer to that question is yes. At times I find myself wondering exactly what is wrong with me. Why can't I find that place to settle in and call home? For the most part, I would have to say that I have never really had a home. Not homeless in the societal definition of that word, but homeless in another sense. No real bond to a specific place where I have resided.
I have friends, and I have spoken with people, who claim that they know that where they are is where they should be. They have felt a "calling" to be where they are in regards to both living space, work space, all aspects of their lives. I can honestly say I have never felt any kind of "calling." For the most part the voices in my head seem to say things like: "What the hell?" or "Same crap, different day." Those kind of voices are in my head. Even in those moments where I feel like maybe there is some sort of small voice pointing towards something, I just never seem to be able to make out what it is pointing towards. I would say this describes all aspects of my life.
I believe I began to really ponder these things when I realized that I hoard boxes so that I will always have plenty of them for packing. That has to be some kind of disorder; to arrive at a new residence and somewhere in the back of your mind the idea of your next move is already percolating.
Maybe the answer to finding home is to first know what that word means to me, but I can't say I have any real definition for it. There does not seem to be any picture in my head that I associate with that word. Not even sure how I would begin to develop that picture in my mind. Possibly all people think the same way I do, and I simply project onto them that they are at "home" when the reality is they are also floundering around, never quite sure where the next flop will land them, or even why it landed them in that particular place. It's a strange feeling to be surrounded by people and feel as if you are just looking in from a distant window. It's not a feeling I know how to describe, and it's not a feeling that always surfaces for me, but it seems as if it is a feeling that has been with me for a bit now. Odd to sit at the pool, and somehow feel completely invisible. Not an exact explanation, but I'm doing my best.
Overall, I guess what i'm attempting to convey is the sensation that I've never found somewhere that feels as if I belong. A place that my presence completes, and it's presence completes me. All of this rambling probably holds the answer to why I move so much. It's not pleasurable. I do not enjoy the hassle of moving: changing your address with everyone who needs to have your address, finding a way to feel like the space you are in is your space and not just a shell that keeps you from freezing to death in the winter.
Maybe one day the voices in my head will be kind enough to shut their traps long enough for me to hear the one voice that is actually solid, and attempting to lead me in the right direction. I'm certain that I will be old and grey by that time. well, older and greyer I should say. In the mean time I suppose I will continue to hoard my boxes and keep the movers on speed dial. At least I'm keeping people employed.
When I started this blog, it was as a suggestion from a friend, because that person thinks I have a wicked good sense of humor and should share it with the millions of you who read this thing. While I do have a pretty good sense of humor, it seems as if the blog is turning into something else. I'm not sure what that is, but as we have determined already today, I have no certainty about most things in my life. Maybe I'm just a shell wandering the globe until the next life. Suffering from some karmic ass whooping from a former life that I have no memory of. But that digresses into things I know nothing about.
Sorry for those of you who wanted some laughter, but today I needed to just babble. Let's all go take our xanax and be mellow. I'll try to be funny next time.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Writing challenge.
A couple of weeks ago I proposed a challenge to my friends on facebook. That challenge was to write something creative based upon photographs I posted on my facebook page. I believe that I posted a total of 8 pictures, all of which were different subject matter. The challenge did not require the author to use each and every picture posted. They could choose to use as many or as few as they desired. I have given no particular time limit for these people to get their creative juices flowing.
During the time since I have posted these pictures, and issued this challenge, I have been debating how to present these writings so that others may enjoy them as well. I considered starting a second facebook page, but that seemed a bit too unwieldy as it would require me going and sending out friend requests again, and then i'd get confused as to which facebook page was which. Also, I would probably forget all passwords associated with the new facebook page. My sister suggested creating and event page to post them on, but I must admit that I'm not exactly sure how to make that work where it is constantly available. After many, many, many minutes of pondering this dilemma, I decided to post each submission here on my blog. I have it linked to my facebook account so that all of my friends may also connect and read as well.
I have received one submission so far, and I like it. I will post it along with the picture she chose to use for her inspiration (assuming I can figure out how to do that).
A few comments before I do post her writing:
This challenge is simply for entertainment. I thought it would be cool to see what responses I would get, who would respond, and the variety it would create. This is not the place for criticism of other's writing. If you like a piece, that is great; if you don't like a piece that is also great. Our differences are what make the world interesting. Some of you may be more experienced writers and some less experienced, and that is ok. Some may have strengths in grammar, and some may not be as strong, but please refrain from correcting each others' grammar. Otherwise I may be forced to eviscerate you in a forum in which you are not as strong. And thus humiliate you in a merciless, albeit funny, manner.
now that the rules have been established, here is my first submit. It is written by Krissany T. and all around good person whom I enjoy having as a friend. No title that i'm aware of, but you can create your own.
With profound dignity she continues to hold her head high. Others have told her that she isn’t good enough will never be good enough but she stands strong in her belief that she can do anything and everything she sets her mind to. As they continue to tell her she can’t achieve her goals, she only pushes harder. There was a time when she believed they were right. She looked at her reflection in the ocean with a blank stare, knowing the person staring back wasn’t truly her. She was broken and weak. She felt useless and abused. She was worn down, tired of fighting and for many a moment she gave up. Then she had a sudden realization that she was not who they made her out to be and the tears she shed could never reflect the amount of love she found for herself. Tears not of sadness but of joy. Tears that streamed down her face filling her eyes like a pothole in Seattle during a November rainstorm. At this moment she realized that she didn’t need anything she had but everything she had left to get there. It was not in this moment that she found utter happiness, but she knew it was out there waiting for her on the horizon. As the sun began to set, se got on a ship and sailed towards it, far away from everything she currently knew. In that moment she was happy, even if just for a split second. All at once she felt free, gliding gracefully across the water. She knew then that nothing, no one could stop her. Knowing this she was truly happy…
here is the photo...I hope
Thank you for participating, and 2 gold stars from me to Krissany. I hope to have other submissions soon, and maybe i'll add one of my own.
During the time since I have posted these pictures, and issued this challenge, I have been debating how to present these writings so that others may enjoy them as well. I considered starting a second facebook page, but that seemed a bit too unwieldy as it would require me going and sending out friend requests again, and then i'd get confused as to which facebook page was which. Also, I would probably forget all passwords associated with the new facebook page. My sister suggested creating and event page to post them on, but I must admit that I'm not exactly sure how to make that work where it is constantly available. After many, many, many minutes of pondering this dilemma, I decided to post each submission here on my blog. I have it linked to my facebook account so that all of my friends may also connect and read as well.
I have received one submission so far, and I like it. I will post it along with the picture she chose to use for her inspiration (assuming I can figure out how to do that).
A few comments before I do post her writing:
This challenge is simply for entertainment. I thought it would be cool to see what responses I would get, who would respond, and the variety it would create. This is not the place for criticism of other's writing. If you like a piece, that is great; if you don't like a piece that is also great. Our differences are what make the world interesting. Some of you may be more experienced writers and some less experienced, and that is ok. Some may have strengths in grammar, and some may not be as strong, but please refrain from correcting each others' grammar. Otherwise I may be forced to eviscerate you in a forum in which you are not as strong. And thus humiliate you in a merciless, albeit funny, manner.
now that the rules have been established, here is my first submit. It is written by Krissany T. and all around good person whom I enjoy having as a friend. No title that i'm aware of, but you can create your own.
With profound dignity she continues to hold her head high. Others have told her that she isn’t good enough will never be good enough but she stands strong in her belief that she can do anything and everything she sets her mind to. As they continue to tell her she can’t achieve her goals, she only pushes harder. There was a time when she believed they were right. She looked at her reflection in the ocean with a blank stare, knowing the person staring back wasn’t truly her. She was broken and weak. She felt useless and abused. She was worn down, tired of fighting and for many a moment she gave up. Then she had a sudden realization that she was not who they made her out to be and the tears she shed could never reflect the amount of love she found for herself. Tears not of sadness but of joy. Tears that streamed down her face filling her eyes like a pothole in Seattle during a November rainstorm. At this moment she realized that she didn’t need anything she had but everything she had left to get there. It was not in this moment that she found utter happiness, but she knew it was out there waiting for her on the horizon. As the sun began to set, se got on a ship and sailed towards it, far away from everything she currently knew. In that moment she was happy, even if just for a split second. All at once she felt free, gliding gracefully across the water. She knew then that nothing, no one could stop her. Knowing this she was truly happy…
here is the photo...I hope
Thank you for participating, and 2 gold stars from me to Krissany. I hope to have other submissions soon, and maybe i'll add one of my own.
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